My heart is broken

I have bean away so long. I tried to write and searched for blogger who's trying to conceive or bean through Ivf, but I didn't get any support.

I've been through my 7 ivf which was Bfp, I was so happy at my 6w scan when I saw 3 sac. After another week I saw only 2 heartbeat I was happy I thought it's my first life time to see a heartbeat.

After ten days I was spotting brown I went for scan and was shocked to see one sac broken and no heartbeat.

All of this was on 26 of jun. I can't believe all of this I still but my hand on my tummy to search for them.

They told me to try misscariage normally nothing happen until now.!!!!

Emotionally and mentally broken, I am so tiered I can't stop thinking or dreaming or asking my self why, what to do next, was it my fault.

I feel really lost.

Trip to macca

I have been KSA from last Monday. Our road trip something I really need before any decision about ivf next trial.

My mother, two brothers, sister, step mother and I in my family car. My sister, her husband and children in their car. Our trip start 10 am and we arrive to Reiahd at 8pm. We spent one night and we continuo the road at the second day to Madinah (only Muslims allowed to enter the city).

I have been in peace which I miss. Spending the time walking to Masjed to pray 5 times aday not worrying about anything. Asking for God (Allah) forgiveness and praying to help me and my husband throw our life journey.

Acupuncture.. And new house..

Yesterday I went to Dubai herbal and treatment center. I met Dr. Maria and had a consultation, she suggested to start herbs intake and 2 sessions a week of acupuncture.

I thoughts it's painful but it was relaxing and I like it.

Also I was so busy with me mother moving to new house from choosing furniture, curtain and cleaning the house,,, and we didn't finish yet.

 Wish me luck.

Pcos... Why me!!!

Hi everyone.

I have been away for many days after my last vist to me RE. He discussed with me the possible reason for my faild Ivf cycle and what's next. He blame my PCOS for our faild embryo implantation.

I was shocked and I feel like I lost everything. I don't have another option only to keep trying.

He told me to rest and come after two months to try once more and he will do some gynatice test on the embryo and theirs nothing more he can do.

I never lost my hope and believe and God (Allah) but some times I think why me!!!

Thanks for blogging

Today I was reading blog title " healing from Ivf ". It's hard to see how many women suffer from infertility!! . She wrote how much she's grateful for her life, health, husband, and everything she have.

I have always thought I will have at least 5 children before reaching 30's. But Allah have diffrent plans for me. I know he love me and plane my life what the best for me. 

I will never lose hope to have my own children, even though I had 6 faild ivf cycle.

I will keep trying and praying (alhamdu le Allah).

Yup ... This my first blog

Hi blogger, this my first try to blog and I decided to start after reading Fran blog. She's really a wonderful woman, fighter, wife, and finally mother. Her blog encourage me to write about my life and journey with infertility.
Especially theirs no support group in my country, where everyone hide and grief  their lose (Misscarriage ,failed IVF cycle, infertility) alone.
I hope by creating this blog I can have new friends to chat with and support me.